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Wednesday, April 27, 2016

HOWARD THE HEADLESS CHICKEN FARMER (‘COS HE HAS SO PUBLICLY LOST HIS HEAD)


 
Our tireless lab technicians at Whitelaw Towers Sound Inc. have laboured furiously to enhance the pitiable audio quality of the secret recordings provided by ace Facebook troll Michael Allen. Those recordings accompanied the videos captured on a digital James Bond spy watch worn during an epic sting operation against the toad-like individual Howard Crawford. Readers will know the videos and recall the deficient sound, which required the producers to add subtitles. Yet, for those not au fait with the story, Crawford is a sewer-like species of political culture. An existential jellyfish; he resembles a space monster from Dr Who. He is a walking ball of cackling, jeering, malevolent energy. He served as an anonymous behind-the-scenes manipulator of Australia’s alternative so-called ‘far right-wing’ political scene: pitting nationalist against patriot for the purpose of destroying us both. He did this while professing to be one of us. Perhaps that is (to him) flatteringly overstating his role. He might just be a middle-aged punk who burned the wrong people. Whatever, thanks to our sound masters, upcoming videos in The Last Supper series exposing the golem Crawford will now be aurally correct. Our boffins squeezed all the juice from those recordings. Dialogue hitherto insensible is mixed down and stripped of interference. We have Howard’s lies and scheming coming straight out of his mouth. However, we are still transcribing and sifting for newsworthiness the choice bits. Until then we shall catch up with Howard and see what is cooking outside of the video prison we hold him in. We do this rather than tack together a work-for-the-dole YouTube mash-up such as Neil Erikson is infamous for. Ultimately, we are tapping Howard’s head like a cat pawing a mouse in advance of our most damaging video yet. We note his sad efforts trying to “blog” Whitelaw Towers and AFP in response to this death blow. We are embarrassed for him. Then again, we’re not. Crawford is a chicken gobbling headless around the internet. Funnier still, this scrappy chook farmer is about to lay an egg; figuratively speaking.
A desperate multiple addict sucks a sad and soggy ciggy for every last nico drip
            HOWARD CRAWFORD AND SLACKBASTARD ARE NOW BESTIES!
 
Who could conceive that the writers would team Howard Crawford with Slackbastard! Since being run out of town by Whitelaw Towers, Howard has turned to toilet hero Professor Rob Sparrow and his Slackbastard anarchist Facebook page to romp about in his feathery finery. And for some reason “Slacky” won’t sack him. Nope, there simply MUST be a blog in mind. But unknown Facebook tormentor John Dickinson has been extracting full value out of Crawford on Slacky’s page. Dickinson ruffles every one of Howard’s soiled feathers. It is champagne comedy. Howard is like watching an angry prawn trying to fight back. Below are examples. Those on Ventolin beware. Howard’s posting on Slackbastard naturally causes titter. The resonance of his hypocrisy we are still absorbing, but for a man who is motivated by class prejudice, Slackbastard is a weird home. His motive eludes, and eludes him. If bullshit meant rock royalty, Howard Crawford would be Elvis. It is a condition with a spasmodic reaction: when confronted with anything at all, Howard lies. Howard lies to himself, to God, and to everybody else. Howard lies like shit runs through a goose. Howard lies like Regan’s head spins in The Exorcist. His behaviour would churn a psychologist’s stomach. But who is he doing all this for?! Who is he hoping to recruit?! What is he hoping to recruit them to?


Laugh as Howie gets owned by John Dickinson
What sort of anarchist takes a confessed liar and bigot into his confidence? Rob Sparrow, that's who!
 
              YOU BET HOWARD IS BACK WITH FOLKES!

Inevitably, we got a report from an unimpeachable source that Howard is back with Folkes. It makes you wonder. When Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys fame went missing for many years, it took a Cadillac saleswoman to rescue him from the mind-control of the shrink from hell. Perhaps Nick needs an intervention on his behalf. Word has come via channels that all Party for Freedom’s top people are leaving because they’ve read what we’ve had to say about Howard Crawford. Hell, even Antifa used our material as the basis for their grammatically-impoverished profile on him. Crawford is to Nick like an ex junkie-friend is to a recovering addict. We reported earlier this year how Folkes, the gentle clown and race mixer, had been exhibiting unmistakable signs of emotional instability following dealings with Crawford. Folkes can’t let go of Crawford. Like a brainwashed whore, he would do anything for his pimp. Perhaps that is why all the financial backers split after the revelations about him.
 
Anyway, we are coming back with the long promised expose on Crawford’s criminal conspiracy against Dr Jim Saleam. Stay tuned. Whatever Howard does next after reading this, is sure to be reactive. It might even be fatal. We say a quiet prayer for his chooks.

I say boy! There'll be no more cocky Foghorn when the next vid comes out
 

            

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