|Knowing Neil's desperation for self-promotion he probably busted a tomato sauce packet on his head to pretend it's blood|
Neil Erikson has made an unpaid career out of causing butt-hurt, so it is only proper that his own rear-end should suffer.
While attending Melbourne’s Equal Love Rally, Neil was recognised by gay anarchists, and set upon. Despite underwhelming odds, Neil fell like a lady’s handkerchief as the equivalent of teenage drama students beat the shit out of him. They left a nasty gash on his head too. But if that was not humiliating enough, one of the gay-boys forced his pants down, and digitally raped him with his finger!
BuzzFeed (a degenerate homo pseudo news-service) reported an unshaken Neil explaining, “They jumped on me while I was on the ground. I was on the ground holding my video camera in one hand and getting kicked in the head. They also proceeded to pull down my pants and one of them placed his finger in my anus.”
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Given how Neil is committed to reporting nothing but the absolute truth, and wouldn’t lie about anything, we believe his every word.
Neil is a self-confessed conspiracy believer, so his ultimate dream of being anally probed has been fulfilled; although not by extra-terrestrials. However, as funny as this is, and as much as Neil deserves a kicking, there is a serious side — only, we’re not sure what it is.
Neil alleged that he strayed into the event by accident (with his camera) while on the way to attend an Australian Liberty Alliance meeting. Neil has been trying to define a purpose for hanging around the dregs of a former political movement ever since playing his part in the disintegration of the fledgling Patriot scene. When he dumped on the UPF after being kicked out for being a horror-scale liability, he turned reformed Nazi; ratting out everyone-else as being “Nazis”. This earned him the name ‘Antifa Neil’.
Devoid of a specific audience, he began promoting Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party, until her people asked him to stop. Now it’s ALA’s turn.
|The question is, did the government USE this anarchist's finger to implant a secret surveillance device inside Neil Erikson's bottom? Oh, and here's a funny picture of an alien anal-probe from South Park|
Neil is the kiss of death to anything serious. He is the kid that knocks over the Monopoly board; the snitch who calls the cops. Neil has only one purpose in this life, and that is pursuing attention. That exhilarating burst spent with the UPF in their heyday affected the chemical balance in his brain. He needed that ego-rush of people looking at him; clicking ‘likes’ on his Facebook page; and involving him in the ongoing Bogan drama of patriot life.
These days, Neil’s in a consolation bromance with maggot-boy Shermon Burgess. They are like ex-members of a broken-up band hoping to cash in on their former fame. The two shares each other’s videos on their flagging FB pages and crow about one another. None of it rings true. Yet, in many regards, they are two peas in a pod. Only, whereas Neil had his arse penetrated supposedly against his will, Sherm would’ve downed trou before even being recognised.
Shermon is easily the sleaziest, and without a doubt would be the first to “experiment” sexually. He may now force the destruction of their relationship by testing whether or not Neil found erotic possibilities in his anus.
Indeed, there are so many memes in this they’ll be on people’s timelines for the next 46 days. We can visualise a pic of him being poked in the pooer with gags like, “WHAT’S UP NEIL’S ARSE?” and “DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S RUDE TO POINT?”
Somewhere there is not just a smoking gun, but a smelly finger. However, we’ll never really know because it is not at all beyond possibility that Neil made the whole thing up.
Yes, we might have said he never lies, but we were being ironic. In fact, Neil couldn’t tell the truth even if there was ten-million dollars involved. He’s a strange mother fucker. Normality doesn’t apply; you need to estimate his headspace using totally autistic coordinates. Honestly, which one of us “men” would admit something like that, much less pretend it was true? Who that wasn’t totally comfortable with homo concepts would rush straight to the first camera they could find and tell the whole world about getting their arse whooped and atomically-goosed by a group of anorexic pansies?
|If any of youse should get your date digitised contact a help line... sort of like this one... or maybe just pretend it never happened, bottle up all your emotions, and turn to drugs and alcohol|